Breaking the Bias of self-limiting Beliefs

It is so funny how we spend too much time as women worrying about what everyone and the society thinks of us. We go about seeking validation from society and looking to receive their approval and cheer before taking the first step or simply “Doing it afraid“.

Even as we set on breaking biases in the world today by establishing a world of gender equality, diversity, equity and inclusion, I want every woman to break every self-limiting beliefs by saying;

1. I am beautiful.
2. I am the best me in the whole world.
3. I am deserving of every good thing and more.
4. I exude confidence and radiate positive energy everywhere I go.
5. I am constantly growing, evolving and becoming my best self.
6. I have unlimited potential and I create the life I want.
7. Mistakes are a part of life and they help me to grow.
8. Today, I exchange my need to always seek validation for my need to always seek self growth and development.
9. I am improving myself and getting closer to my dreams everyday.
10. I refuse to give up.

Dearest 2022

Starting a new year is most times filled with expectations, anxiety, quite daunting and at the same time very fun and exciting.

The optimist hopes the new year brings her many dreams and goals to reality, increase her chances with life and gifts her a better self.

The pessimist sees it as every other year filled with disappointments, failures, ‘rinse and repeat’, without no real achievement at the end of the year.

Whatever you think or desire this year to be for you is all up to you. Nonetheless, if the optimist desires and never put in the extra work, she ends up like the pessimist at the end of the year.

I titled this blog post “Dearest 2022” because this year is so dear to me and I want it to be the same for you. If you are a pessimist, please and please I urge you drop that mindset inorder to make this year your dearest. If you’re an optimist, congratulations dear! 🥳 you’re a step ahead towards making this year your dearest.

The year 2022 can only be your dearest if you’re ready and willing to do just one single, simple but daunting task- Be Intentional.

I know some of you must have written your new year resolution for the year. A goal or two, or even more goals of what you would want to achieve or quit this year. You must have set milestones for yourselves.

If you haven’t or are not interested in writing a new year resolution, it is totally fine. You mustn’t have a new year’s resolution written on pen and paper or on your Notepad, but being intentional is the single task I appeal that you abide to athis new year.

When you’re intentional, you take decisions and actions on things that are important to you. You are aware of what you want to achieve and you go after it squarely. You make daily or weekly plans and you stick by them regardless of the inconveniences because you have made an intention to be better and you are striving to maintain that path.

Maintaining a positive mindset and focusing on growth becomes easy and you start seeing things in a different light. It may seem like you have been in a dark tunnel all along and has just gotten to the end of the tunnel. You are not alone my dear, I am still on that path presently and I will be sharing with you some tips on becoming intentional.

5 ways to become Intentional

1. Be deliberate with your actions daily: For you to be intentional, always take actions daily towards the goals you have set out for yourself.

2. Be purposeful with your time: Time management cannot be overemphasized. Learn to prioritize and manage your time. Perform actions that matter to you the most at a particular time.

3. Be clear on your goals: Being concised on your goals and aspirations will give you the opportunity to know what you do not want and what you must avoid and eliminate.

4. Be focused on your goals: After being clear on your set goals, you will have to focus squarely on them, avoiding distractions as they come.

5. Be mindful of your closest and most important relationships: There is a saying that ‘If you hang around 5 millionaires, you will be the sixth’ and ‘if you you hang around 5 failures, you will be the sixth’. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Always endeavour to spend time with people that stimulate your growth.

Even as you go about this year trying your best to Be Intentional, I will urge that you find an accountability partner, a community or a mentor. Most times, doing these stuffs on our own is not always easy. You need a push here, another push there, some motivational talks and advices for when you are down and feel hopeless.

In this new year, strive to be a better version of what you were last year.

Remember; The only person you are in a competition with to make this year your “dearest”, is yourself.

Whatsoever you decide to be this year, be a good one…💜🤍

Getting Through 2021… It’s a wrap!

If you are reading this right now, you deserve a copy of this certificate. You should probably edit this to fit in your name and signature as well- Canva App made easy got you covered. You can thank me later. You’re welcomed, Don’t mention 😂😁

This is me clapping and cheering loud for you in the background. 365 days already and you are still intact and unbroken? Boy! You’ve done so well, don’t let anyone or any circumstances tell you otherwise.

Covid-19 happened and there was a temporary shut down of offices and workplaces in 2020. Many persons lost their jobs, many businesses crumbled and we all had to start from the scratch this 2021.

So many offices went remote and people had to learn to work independently without physical supervision and directives and also adapting to the idea of working from home and staying at home all week and all year.

Towards the end of 2021, the Omnicron variant was discovered in South Africa, causing uproars and tension around the world particularly Africa. Flights were disrupted, many changes happened within a short time and the fear of getting back to the events of 2020 started creeping in again.

This is really a trying time for the world, there has been a lot of learning, unlearning and re-learning. Many people had their fair share of wins, some others had big shares of wins- I can still remember the mid-November tweet from the Nigerian UI/UX designer that had his earnings multiplied by x23, invested in some Tech startups, found love amongst other accomplishments (typical ‘God when?’ situation, right? lol).

Many others still counted numerous or few losses (you don’t have to worry or be sad, you’re not alone in all of these. We go again in 2022. This time, harder with maximum results).

If none of your goals for this year clicked, I still want to assure you that you are not a failure. If you tried and failed or had some shortcomings, here I am still assuring you that you’re no failure either. Every experience is a blessing, you either learn or earn. Whichever way, it’s a win-win situation.

I went through this year trying to find myself and my purpose. I needed to stop “getting by” daily and start living. I started by doing the things I loved, keeping away from negative energy at my workplace and other internal and external places and finally learning a new skill at the close of the year (Still in the learning process shaa). The 6 figure job I envisaged at the beginning of the year was nowhere close to me, instead I am ending the year unemployed, happy, healthy and most importantly, grateful.

As this year wraps up in a few hours, I will appreciate that you observe the following;

1. Be Grateful: A heart of gratitude attracts so much. You may not have it all presently, but being grateful for big wins, small wins and no wins will make you feel better than you can ever imagine.

2. Don’t beat yourself up: If you’re currently wrestling with yourself, I will strongly advice you quit. Stop beating yourself up. Every obstacle or setback is an opportunity for learning and improvement.

3. Live In the Moment: Enjoy the last hours of 2021 because there will be no 2021 ever again. Make lasting memories with the hours you have left in 2021.

4. Leave every hate and regrets behind: As we are about to cross over to 2022, I will strongly advise that you leave the past and focus on the present. You cannot control the past nor change it, but you can control the present and re-write your future.

5. Smile: A smile can do alot. It relaxes the muscles, strengthens the heart and stretches the soul. I will be writing a full blog story on smile in 2022.

Life is too short for all the sadness. Wipe the worry off your face. Be Happy. Be Grateful and don’t forget to Smile.

Congratulations on completing 2021. We go again in 2022. This time, harder and better with maximum results. 😁😁

She’s Human too

It is so funny how we spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them, but reverse is not the case for the boy child. We don’t teach boys to care about being likable or how to validate themselves before the female folks.

We tell girls they shouldn’t be tough, they should keep quiet, they should stop being mouthed, lol.

We say to our girls; “You can have an ambition, but not too much”, “You don’t need so much education, you will get married soon, and it will all be a waste”, “You can aim to be successful, but not so successful”.

Wait!, Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man?

We police girls, praise them for their virginity, forgetting that boys also have a virginity to protect.

We teach our girls to aspire for marriage, but we don’t teach our boys the same. Our girls grow up with the idea that Marriage isn’t a place where roses are groomed. After all, roses are sometimes pierced by thorns, and so she just had to make compromises and endure through it all.

“Is this how you are going to behave in your husband’s house?” sounds worst than a broken record to most African girls.

We are taught that our lives evolves around a man.

But in teaching the girl-child, we often forget that every girl deserves an opportunity to be heard. An opportunity to be seen.

We forget that she also have ambitions. She’s strong willed. She’s assertive. She’s inquisitive. She’s resilient.

We don’t remind her that, No!, She don’t have to shrink herself to make anyone happy. She don’t need any validity from a man.

We should do better. All of us. Each and everyone of us. Male or Female. Each for the other. A balanced society will be attained.

Volunteering; A Tool For Giving Back.

Have you ever thought of giving back? How often do you give than you receive? Do you know the effect a smile on someone’s face can have in you, knowing fully well that you are the reason behind that smile? Do you know how a terrible day can become an excellent day simply because you extended a hand of loving kindness?

Most times, we see giving back or giving generally in monetary terms. Whenever the idea of giving comes to our minds, we only see it as letting go of the little money we have.

Most people often come up with the excuse that they cannot give because they do not have the means of giving.

I once told a friend that I would love to start giving back to the Society, beginning from the local community in which I find myself in. Guess what she did?…

Yes, you guessed right, she laughed and laughed so hard that I thought something was the matter. She asked me what I have benefitted from the society that I intend to give back.

She wasn’t really wrong in all sense because most Nigerian would say the same.

Most times, we forget that we don’t necessarily have to receive before we give, but in giving, we receive.

Volunteering for me is a big deal. Yes! It has given me an avenue to affect the lives of others positively even as I affect my own life. It gives me an opportunity to see others smile and be happy. There’s this inner satisfaction I derive to see others happy.

Volunteering entails giving; Your time, strength, intellect, resources, talent are all channeled while volunteering.

Making the world a better place would entail much of giving. Giving with love, An extra dose of love that would go a long way in influencing the lives of others.

Don’t give that excuse that you cannot achieve this by your singular effort. I know, it’s not that easy. That is why there are several organizations in which you can work with to make all these a reality. All that is needed is your readiness, commitment and your extra dose of love.

These organizations specializes in various aspects of volunteering, ranging from health to education, women empowerment, feminism, environmental hygiene, sports, technology and so on.

Give, help out, spread happiness, be the light in someone’s darkness, and above all show Love.

We are not all called to be professionals, but we are all called to be givers and bearers of light

Hello Tomorrow

Often times, we plan for a tomorrow which we are not even certain of, a future which is full of fear and uncertainties. We take risk on a daily basis with a firm belief that our dreams and aspirations wouldn’t be shattered.

Life is not fair; never has, never will be.

Amara laid on her cane bed, staring at the ceiling, she could see the stars in the sky. It was indeed a cold, dark night with so much running through her mind. She couldn’t believe she just lost the second most important person in her life.

“We tried our best, am sorry we lost her”

Those words tasted like bile. It was definitely more bitter than the dongoyaro juice our mothers force us to drink when we were crippled by malaria as children.

Did I just say mothers?

Amara didn’t have such word in her dictionary any longer. She reminisce of those moments when she had a happy family, now she’s left alone like a one-man army to cater for herself. She has to struggle to make ends meet at 17.

Laying on her King-sized bed after a long day at work, she kept staring at the ceiling which was intricately hand-painted by Florentine artisans, she knew she had made a good choice buying this house. She had to meet with a huge client and after much persuasion, she was able to close an estate deal worth 500 million naira. Mr. Emeka could be difficult most times.

Smiling at herself, the housekeeper knocks at the door to announce dinner is served. She knew she couldn’t ask for a better life than she already have.

All these are history” she muttered, Mama I made it!

Continue reading “Hello Tomorrow”

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton